No awkward lesbian experiences without me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
