I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
