If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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