so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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