Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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