I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
