I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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