I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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