kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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