Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize