Umm I'm too high to move.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
