We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
