My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
