Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
