i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
