And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
