I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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