From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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