I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
