Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I want is dick and wine.
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