My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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