I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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