hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
