but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
