I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
