While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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