Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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