I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
