I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
