if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
