were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I deserve to be covered in dicks
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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