i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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