piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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