im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
