Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
