In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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