If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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