Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
