When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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