new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
