Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
