i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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