I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
