I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
