He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
