Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
