You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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