I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
