i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
