I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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