I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
