I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
