So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
