They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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