Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
