My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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