the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
