Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
