She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
