i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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