"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
