If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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