i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
