I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
