I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
