Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
