my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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