Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
