Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
