Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
