the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
